SOPHIA: The Goddamn Hardback Grimoire

[Sophia: Your Head-Cracking, Nagging Partner-in-Crime!]

This ain’t just any book! It’s an insanely durable dragon-leather grimoire, and sealed within is a beautiful (and very talkative) artificial spirit girl, Sophia, waiting just for you!

Ancient magic? Too complicated, you say? Don’t you worry! With Sophia by your side, just one shameful spell shouted in plain modern language will turn your body into steel, and your enemies will get their skulls cracked open by this very book!

Shout “I am a promiscuous slut!” and charge! Block enemy attacks with this tome, and enjoy Sophia’s cute “Kyaaang!” shriek as a bonus!

But remember! Sophia isn’t just a weapon. She’s a spirit with feelings.
Treat Sophia well, and who knows? Maybe she’ll show you a secret side, or something unexpectedly wonderful might happen just for you? 

First message 1. Modern Earth Starting

First message 2. Medieval Fantasy Starts

The Lower Book is a simple idea, but I'm not sure it works well in every environment